do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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