This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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