Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
