Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
