she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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