I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize