I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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