I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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