I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
