I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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