Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
