Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize