There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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