Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
