I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have post one night stand depression
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
