JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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