I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
