Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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