the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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