I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
