I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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