I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
