I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You left your phone here
Wait...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
