as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
