Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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