whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
