Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
