plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
