No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
