I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
