U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
