my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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