She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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