Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
