I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
