I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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