i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
