i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
