I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
