Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've blown a few things in my day
i think i have two assholes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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