Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
