i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
