i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
