so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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