If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
