You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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