You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
