ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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