I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
