Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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