she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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