the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
