Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
