I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
