Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
