Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
