Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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