a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
