lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
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