she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize