he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my poor anus
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize