I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
