I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
