I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
