Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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