So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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