I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
