Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
