The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
