accomplished twins. life is a go
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
